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Advice Not Given: A Guide to Getting Over Yourself
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"Most people will never find a great psychiatrist or a great Buddhist teacher, but Mark Epstein is both, and the wisdom he imparts in Advice Not Given is an act of generosity and compassion. The book is a tonic for the ailments of our time." (Ann Patchett, New York Times best-selling author of Commonwealth)
Our ego, and its accompanying sense of nagging self-doubt as we work to be bigger, better, smarter, and more in control, is one affliction we all share. And while our ego claims to have our best interests at heart, in its never-ending pursuit of attention and power, it sabotages the very goals it sets to achieve. In Advice Not Given, renowned psychiatrist and author Dr. Mark Epstein presents a how-to guide rooted in two traditions, Buddhism and Western psychotherapy, devoted to maximizing the human potential for living a better life.Â
Our ego, and its accompanying sense of nagging self-doubt as we work to be bigger, better, smarter, and more in control, is one affliction we all share. And, while our ego claims to have our best interests at heart, in its never-ending pursuit of attention and power, it sabotages the very goals it sets to achieve. In Advice Not Given, Dr. Mark Epstein reveals how Buddhism and Western psychotherapy, two traditions that developed in entirely different times and places and, until recently, had nothing to do with each other, both identify the ego as the limiting factor in our well-being, and both come to the same conclusion: When we give the ego free reign, we suffer; but when it learns to let go, we are free.Â
With great insight, and in a deeply personal style, Epstein offers listeners a how-to guide that refuses a quick fix, grounded in two traditions devoted to maximizing the human potential for living a better life. Using the Eightfold Path, eight areas of self-reflection that Buddhists believe necessary for enlightenment, as his scaffolding, Epstein looks back productively on his own experience and that of his patients. While the ideas of the Eightfold Path are as old as Buddhism itself, when informed by the sensibility of Western psychotherapy, they become something more: a road map for spiritual and psychological growth, a way of dealing with the intractable problem of the ego. Breaking down the wall between East and West, Epstein brings a Buddhist sensibility to therapy and a therapist's practicality to Buddhism. Speaking clearly and directly, he offers a rethinking of mindfulness that encourages people to be more watchful of their ego, an idea with a strong foothold in Buddhism but now for the first time applied in the context of psychotherapy.Â
Our ego is at once our biggest obstacle and our greatest hope. We can be at its mercy or we can learn to mold it. Completely unique and practical, Epstein's advice can be used by all - each in his or her own way - and will provide wise counsel in a confusing world. After all, as he says, "Our egos can use all the help they can get."Â
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Audible Audiobook
Listening Length: 6 hours and 12 minutes
Program Type: Audiobook
Version: Unabridged
Publisher: Penguin Audio
Audible.com Release Date: January 16, 2018
Language: English, English
ASIN: B0782XGJRQ
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
I would give this negative stars if I could. As a female psychologist who relies heavily on psychodynamic/Freudian theories and models and who is at the gateway of exploring buddhism, i looked forward to this. it also had caught the attention of my previous supervisor (whom i respect), my therapist, and my best friend so it had convergent data so to speak. one chapter in, i was bored. three chapters in, annoyed. at chapter five i was livid.here is a person who is a psychiatrist and buddhist (both of which aim to be helpful growth processes) who has managed to write a book steeped in latent sexism, misogyny, and male white privilege. the first example of someone "getting over themselves" is a female patient "treated" by a well-known psychotherapist by being asked to lie naked on a table, told that her problem is she "doesn't know how to flirt" and then given the prescription to flirt with the psychotherapist. in today's world (the example is decades old), that is illegal, unethical, and reprehensible use of power which unfortunately early psychotherapy (mostly practiced by white MDs) has a reputation for. In following examples (at least two, which was as far as I read) (chapters 4 or 5), after much name dropping, Epstein describes women with money and power who the he knows (it's called a dual relationship and is unethical in my field) and helped to "get over themselves." After three examples like this, I woke up to the fact that this book is an abuse of psychology and buddhism manipulated in a way that smacks of gas lighting.another review called this "tepid buddhism" which i think was generous. it was hard to find much at all that was buddhist, even at a tepid level.if you're into white male privilege, outdated freudian theory which relies on labeling women with "hysteria" and "neurosis", and misusing the tents of buddhism to be used to help women (who are currently in a THE MIDST OF A STRUGGLE FOR EQUALITY) to have their necks stepped on, this is the book for you. if you're into self growth, buddhism, and/or psychology, pass this piece of ego stroking trash over.
Advice not given: a guide to getting over yourself by Mark Epstein reviewed by Jerry WoolpyMark is Jewish with a lot of experience with the philosophy of Buddhism and meditation and he is a practicing analytic psychiatrist. What makes the book readable is that with all that philosophical orientation, Freud, Buddha, and many of their devotees, he is a straight forward and clear demystifier. Being psychoanalytic, it is not surprising that he is ego centered and devoted to the unconscious. Don’t get rid of the ego, because it is essential to effective living, but don’t let it dominate you. Above all do not try to suppress what is bothering you even if you don’t know what it is. Try to recognize it, understand it, and live with it. The book takes on the eight precepts of Buddhism, one chapter at a time, showing how each can be useful in patient therapy. The precepts are: Right View, Right Motivation, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, Right Concentration. In marked contrast to 613 mitzvot Moses brought down from Sinai, which speak to external behaviors to help us get along with each other, Buddha’s Rights are internal ways to cope with an ever-changing universe, and like Moses’, to get along with the vicissitudes.Jerry Woolpy
This is a poor re-write of the Buddhist pathways attempting to merge contemporary psychiatry with long-held traditions and teachings. Particularly burdensome is the ego-centric push of new age psychiatry - very self oriented - and patriarchal- with basic, traditional teachings of the Buddha.
i have read several books on Buddhism. I borrowed Advice not Given from the library , read it, then decided to buy it. I like that he gives personal examples from his life, makes the point more clear. Sometimes with books written from a traditional Buddhist point of view, its hard to understand the point from a western point of view without being immersed in the culture. Somethings seem to get lost in translation.
A wonderful discourse on the uses of Buddhism and psychiatry , by a doctor who has seen it work for himself and his patients. His stories illuminated I mate the underlying truths he helps us see, that by surrendering ourselves we become ourselves.
Don't know why there was such a negative review on this particular book as I found it to be quite inspirational and edifying. Reading it brought me to understand more about Buddhism and I will investigate this further as a result of reading this book.
A helpful guide for anyone who wants to understand Buddhism or has ever needed the help of a talented therapist. He weaves the two disciplines together in such a warm, insightful way. This will be on my bookshelf forever and I will re-read the sections that spoke to me the most — which vary for everyone of course.
I enjoyed it, it is easy to read, but Buddhism is not meant to be completely understood in one reading. I know I will have to reread parts to completely understand. But humor and good stories included.
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